What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
