Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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