Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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