just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
