I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
