Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
