when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
