I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
