didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
