i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
