I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
