My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
