Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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