the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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