i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
