I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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