it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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