Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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