Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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