party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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