We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
