if i died would you start the facebook group?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
