I wish I could teleport
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
