So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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