I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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