While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
