if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
