you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
