Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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