I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
