return my video game
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
