she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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