This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
