I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
