Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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