I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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