Pappa wants mamma naked
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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