you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
