Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she told me i tasted like america
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
