did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
