I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize