the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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