I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize