Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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