Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
