my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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