I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
