We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize