I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
