Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
