That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
