that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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