omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
