For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize