Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
