Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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