This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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