No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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