im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize