If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
