the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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