The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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