If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
