well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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