Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
