Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
