I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize