ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize