I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
