new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
