dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
