So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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