I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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