Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
