You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
