Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
