in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize