textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
