Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
