Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
no you cant smoke seaweed
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize