Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
