Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
