No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This baby is an asshole
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
