So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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