I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We need to rekindle our bromance
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
