just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
