Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
