my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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