I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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