I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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