Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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