what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
