I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
