I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
