It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
