Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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